Butthead's Backstory

Hello. As you may have realized by now, I am Butthead. I will tell you my story now, yes. Many years ago, I lived a quiet and peaceful life on my home planet. This planet is far away, and our way of life is much different than yours here on Earth. We were a peaceful people, coexisting with the land and all its flora and fauna. We did not have evil pedophiles running our government, but instead a King and Queen ruling over the people with grace and majesty. I was that King. And my Queen was the beautiful Assface. Together we guided our nation through hardship, through war, and into peace and prosperity. But sadly my rule was cut short when an invading race of alien peoples known to us as the Toiletfarters came to our planet with the goal of taking control of our populus and ruling over us unjustly. We fought as best we could, but the Toiletfarters were too strong in number and military prowess, and eventually I was forced to evacuate my home planet. I watched my Queen get into her escape pod and launch out into the atmoshpere, and soon after, I entered my own pod. Together we drifted through space on a course for the unknown, until her pod was hit by a quantum ray beam from a Toiletfarter fighter jet. My pod was blasted off course as the shockwae sent me careening toward a planet unknown to me. I was devestated, but I did not have much time to think before I crashed through the atmosphere of the planet and into the dirt of what I soon learned to be the planet Earth. 

     I awoke a short time later, my head still spinning from the crash. I emerged from my pod and stepped out into a crater created by my arrival on Earth. I was surrounded by dry, red sand. A ways out  on the horizon loomed tall, grey structures and a colorful haze surrounding it. I later came to know that this cluster of structures was the city of Las Vegas, Nevada. I was confused, scared, and alone. I had lost my Queen, I had lost my home, and I did not know where to go from here. So I ran. In the atmosphere of planet Earth my legs carried me faster than they ever had before. I ran past the buildings, the colored lights, the sand. I ran, and the scenery eventually started to change as I went. Mountains of red rock were replaced by trees and streams of water. It grew colder, wetter. Eventually I came across a house from which was emenating a loud rumbling noise. A cacophany of sounds the likes of which I had never heard before. I approcahed cautiously, opening the door with care so as not to alert the residents of the home. Thankfully, the loud sounds covered any noise that I made as I navigated my way through the house, growing closer to the sounds. I went up a flight of stairs and came to a door. The sounds were louder than ever now, but now they had become clearer. I could hear melodic droning, the beating of drums, the frantic wailing of some creature. It sounded almost, beautiful. With raw soundwaves flooding my ears, I made my way through the door and up another flight of stairs. I came into a room where four creatures, not unlike myself in appearance, had different devices clutched in their hands. One was seated behind many drums, beating them rythmically. On my home planet, we had played drums not unlike these at ceremonial gatherings, and for celebrations. Soon after I entered, the drummer creature turned to see me. His face froze, and the other creatures turned to follow his gaze. They dropped their devices to the floor. I pointed to the drummer who's face was white with fear.   "Let me play, creature." I said, my voice hoarse from days of not speaking. The drummer looked to his friends and then back at me. "Sure dude, we need uh... we need a drummer ayway." He said, dropping his beater sticks and scurrying out from behind the drums. "I can fill this role." I replied, moving towards the drums. From the point on, I became the group's drummer. I was taught their ways, and I learned their names. They explained the concept of a band to me, and that their band was named Uncle. The group took care of me, found me housing, and I played with them. Since that point, we have grown closer, and I call them my friends now. While I still miss my home planet, and the people who inhabited it, I believe I have found my purpose here on Earth. 

Say Uncle.

-Butthead